E52: Stop Chasing the Pain and Chase the Joy

Discover the liberating sensation of JOMO—the joy of missing out—as I, Coach Chef Kim, guide you through a transformational discussion about choosing joy over the constant, draining pursuit of approval. The recent passing of my father brought home the stark reality that life's too precious to waste on people and pursuits that fail to fill our hearts. I'll share how this epiphany reshaped my approach to both my coaching practice and my personal quest for happiness, revealing why it's crucial to recognize and seek the activities that genuinely light up our lives. 

Join me as we explore the shift from a life of chasing pain to one where every choice is a step toward joy. I delve into personal stories, sincere advice, and actionable strategies to help you let go of the need for external validation and instead embrace the things that make you feel alive. This episode is not just a talk; it's a heartfelt invitation to join a movement towards a life punctuated with joy, purpose, and soul-nourishing experiences. So tune in, and let's embark on this journey toward a more joy-filled existence together.

Welcome to The Positive Voice, a feel-good podcast designed to inspire and uplift through heartfelt conversations and the power of positivity! Hosted by transformational life coach and hope dealer, Kimberly Houston, where we delve into personal growth, wellness, and the beauty of overcoming life's challenges.

Join our creative and supportive community as we laugh, learn, and grow together on this life-changing journey. Subscribe to The Positive Voice and let's spread the joy, one conversation at a time!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Chasing Joy vs. Chasing Pain
• 13:43 Chasing Joy Instead of Pain

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of the Positive Voice podcast. I am your host, coach Chef Kim, and I am so honored and so grateful that you have decided to tune in today. So in our last episode we did an Ask CCK, which is the new series we'll be starting here, where people who are entering into my mindset and manifestation group for entrepreneurs ask me questions when they come in. So sometimes I answer them via a message in our group. Other times I may answer them as an Instagram Reel or as a TikTok, and then sometimes they make their way to the podcast, and so that's what we did on our last one, and I hope you guys loved it. If you haven't listened to it, go back and take a listen.

Speaker 1: 1:25

So today I want to do something a little different. I am currently in the midst of coaching 20 beautiful souls. They are the first cohort of my 90 day emergence coaching program that I'm so excited about. We will open the doors to begin starting our waitlist. Actually, the waitlist is open, but we will open the doors for cohort number two in just a few weeks and it won't start until June 4th. However, you'll be able to break your payments up if you were interested and you wanted to know more about that, because I want to make sure that healing is accessible for people and that people understand that you can make a change. You can change who you are, and one of the things that I have discovered, just being in the atmosphere and the energy of these 20 beautiful souls, is that a lot of people are unfamiliar with joy, and I notice that I keep saying people should chase joy. I want to kind of dig into this one just a little bit.

Speaker 1: 2:35

So, as many of you know, if you've been listening to the podcast, my father passed away almost two months ago. Actually, at this point, it's been two months, at this point that my father has passed away and the hospice nurse told me do not chase the pain. Make sure you stay in front of the pain so that he is not in it. When we moved him into hospice care and into comfort care, she told me do not chase the pain, and I knew when she told me this I was like man, I understand you're telling me not to chase the pain and like make sure I give this man medication ahead of time, but this is definitely a mindset thing, right? This is a heart moment, and Hallmark calls these moments in life where it's kind of like a little twinkle, right, they call it a God week, where you hear something, you see something, you experience something and it's very out of the ordinary, but it changes your life. And her saying don't change, don't chase the pain Y'all I saw like little lights twinkling when she said this and the other piece of it.

Speaker 1: 3:47

And I say this to people all the time don't chase the pain Like that has become a thing for me. Don't chase the pain, chase the joy. And so that's what I want to spend a little bit of time talking to you about today is not chasing the pain and making a decision to chase joy. So when I ask a couple of people this question, like you know, what brings you joy, what makes you happy, what things do you enjoy doing? And I'm noticing a lot of people have no idea. They have no idea. They haven't tried anything new in years, they haven't gone out on dates in years and I'm speaking for myself on that one I ain't been on a date and God knows how long, and we're going to change that in 2024. Amen, amen.

Speaker 1: 4:29

So like, how do you know what you like if you haven't experienced it Right, and so I have made it a point to number one, not dealing FOMO. So I'm not dealing in the fear of missing out. I don't need to be at every event, I don't have to say yes to every invitation, I don't have to do all the things anymore because I don't fear missing out. Right, amen? On the flip side of FOMO is, jomo, the joy of missing out. Yes, I might not have been at this thing, but I was able to catch up on my sleep. I might not have been at that thing, but I got to spend time with my mother, right, like the joy of missing out, the joy of not having to be so busy, is a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1: 5:20

And so, when we're thinking about chasing joy versus chasing pain, okay, let me explain to you what chasing pain looks like. Chasing pain looks like going to tell people who, historically, have not been there for you that you need their help and then them not showing up in the way you need them to show up. Chasing pain is you going to share good news with people who have, quite literally, never celebrated you, expecting them to do that and they don't. That's chasing pain, right? You are looking at historical fact that people in your life have not shown up for you in the way that you show up for them. People have not supported you, they have not purchased anything from you, they have not been to your events, they have not shared anything on social media, they have never liked your status. They don't do anything for you, but they expect for you to be there for them at all times, and when you reach out and ask them to do something for you, there's crickets. That is called chasing the pain. Okay, cck calls that breaking your own heart. Why are you doing things that you know historically, these people don't know how to show up for you and then you allow them to hurt you and then you're mad that they didn't show up for you. Well, sweetie, the first time is their fault, but the second, third, fourth and 40th time that shit is on you. Okay, it's not the other people's fault that you keep expecting more from them than they have ever decided they were going to give you, and you know that that's your fault. So stop it, all right, so that's chasing the pain.

Speaker 1: 7:04

Know what this chasing the joy looks like? Chasing the joy looks like joining in community-based programs with like-minded people who are gonna support you. That's what chasing joy looks like. Chasing joy looks like going to read a book that brings you such good feelings in your body. It could be personal development, it could be romance, it could be YA, it could be whatever you're into, right, but it's something that allows you to escape from the day-to-day of your life and you learn something and it brings you a little bit of joy. Chasing the joy could be meeting a girlfriend for coffee, meeting a guy friend for coffee, going ex-throwing or going to see a movie by yourself. Okay, because you don't wanna share your popcorn, I understand, it's totally okay.

Speaker 1: 7:49

If you do that Like, what are you doing to chase the joy in your life? How do you know what you like if you never leave your home? How do you know what you like if you don't actively seek out new opportunities? How do you know that you won't be successful if you don't try? Chase the joy versus chasing the pain. So one of the things that I realize people will say is well, coach, what if it doesn't work out? Well, shit, what if it does?

Speaker 1: 8:17

As soon as you say to me, what if it doesn't work out, if I say, why haven't you done the thing? And you say what if it doesn't work out? I'm gonna immediately say what if it does? What if it does? And when I say that, I notice that people smile, they don't actually let it sink in. It's kinda like you know how, on the Grinch, when they show the Grinch his face, where he has this very diabolical smile and you're like there's nothing behind his eyes. That's how I feel a lot of times when I say, but what if it doesn't? People don't have an aha moment. See, when you smile at me, it lets me know that you're acknowledging that I said it, but you're not internalizing it the people who sit there for a second and they really think about but what if it does Like no, no, no, no, for real, for real.

Speaker 1: 9:09

What if this relationship is different than all the others? What if this person that is showing up for you in a way that you have prayed for and that you have been trying to manifest, and is right here in your face? What if that person is showing up for you in the way that you show up for everybody else? What if that's real? What if you didn't spend your time chasing the pain, aka starting fights, trying to figure out what's wrong with this person and then chasing their asses away. What if, instead, you decided to embrace the fact that the universe heard your cry and gave you what you asked for? What if, instead of going okay, things are going so well in my life right now, I've been asked to do this and asked to do that and I'm gonna be featured in this and I'm gonna be featured in that, but now I'm just gonna sit here and wait because something bad has to happen. Why? Why does something bad have to happen? Why are you allowing yourself to be open to chaos? Why are you even giving negativity the opportunity to pack a bag and move in?

Speaker 1: 10:20

Why is it that we can't say that we are energetically unavailable for bullshit? We are energetically unavailable for having negative bank accounts. We are energetically unavailable for anything that does not serve our highest good. Why is it that we must chase the pain instead of chasing the joy? And seeing in my experience, chasing joy brings far more than joy. It brings abundance. It brings better nights sleep. It brings better friendships. It brings better relationships. It brings a willingness to get up and go to the gym and work out. It brings opportunities that you had absolutely no idea that existed, because somebody else spoke beautifully of you on your behalf in a room you had no idea your name was being spoken in.

Speaker 1: 11:17

See, if you don't allow yourself to be available for the joy, if you are not constantly and continuously chasing the joy, then how is joy going to find you? How is joy going to know that you are open and available for it? How will abundance know that it now needs to meet your level of energetic alignment? How does it know that you've raised the bar? How does it know that you no longer want to be over here living a chaotic ass life? How does it know that you have had more than enough time to wallow in self pity and you are like enough is enough, I want more, if you don't begin chasing the joy and literally look for it?

Speaker 1: 12:03

Look for it everywhere you go. If you are walking down the street, look for the joy. If you are riding in your car, baby, look for the joy. The joy could be in a child's smile. It could be in an old couple walking hand in hand in the park. It could be in the Uber Eats driver that's just having the most wonderful day getting out their car, blasting Beyonce, dropping off food for somebody else. Find the joy around you. The more you actively seek it, the more you look for it, the more you're gonna find it, the more you're gonna see it, and then this becomes a habit. Well, you don't even realize that you're looking for joy. It's just all around you.

Speaker 1: 12:45

Y'all people look at me all the time and they're like do you wake up like this? Absolutely freaking lutely? I do. I absolutely wake up joyful, even if it's not a great day, even if it's raining, and whenever it's raining. I say when it's raining, because whenever it's raining and I wake up, I typically wake up with a headache. It's just the thing that's been happening for the past couple of years. Right, I know that even though I woke up and it's raining guess what, y'all? I woke up. I know that I can grab a BC arthritis and, while it is disgusting, within 15 minutes I will feel wonderful. I know that I can go light my rain incense and take a wonderful hot shower and that I'm going to feel better. I know that within 30 minutes of waking up, I will be able to change how I feel physically, which will also align with how I feel energetically.

Speaker 1: 13:44

Right, because I make it a point to chase the joy. I make it a point to go for the happy. I make it a point to see the sunshine on a cloudy day. You have to understand that if you're gonna wake up every day and you're gonna live this life, I would much rather live it chasing joy than live it living in fear of what I'm missing out, living it in busyness, living it in desperate need of a nap. I would rather chase the joy instead of chasing the pain, and so that's my charge to you I would encourage you to begin to look for the joy everywhere you are, to open your heart, your mind, your soul to the possibility that you too could have joy in your life, that it's okay for you to stop chasing the pain and, quite literally, begin chasing the joy. Until next time, stay sweet, my friends.