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The Positive Voice
The Positive Voice, is a podcast dedicated to helping you live your best life. Our show is all about spreading positivity and inspiration, and we cover a variety of topics that are designed to help you cultivate a more positive mindset. From the neuroscience of positivity to the power of affirmations, we explore the many ways in which you can bring more positivity into your life. Our episodes are full of practical tips and strategies that you can apply to your own life, as well as inspiring stories from people who have overcome adversity to achieve their dreams. So if you're looking for a dose of positivity and inspiration, join us on The Positive Voice and start living life to the fullest!
The Positive Voice
E57:Valentine's Reflections: Embracing Self-Love and the Journey to Wholeness
When you're standing at the crossroads of love and self-acceptance, Valentine's Day can be more than just a date on the calendar—it becomes a milestone on the journey to finding your true self. That's the heartfelt story I, Coach Kim, bring to the table in this episode, where I peel back the layers of my own evolution through Valentine's Days gone by. From navigating the waters of past insecurities to reveling in the power of singlehood, I lay bare my soul in the quest for a love that elevates and enriches. My candid reflections aim to empower you to recognize that the cornerstone of any potent relationship is your sense of self-worth.
TW: There's a brief moment of crying...
Embark on an exploration of raw and authentic living, especially in the aftermath of life-changing events like divorce. It's a narrative woven with personal growth, emotional availability, and the pursuit of being the best version of yourself—key elements for setting a solid foundation for future partnerships. With no stones unturned, I discuss the profound emotional work necessary for two whole individuals to unite in strength, debunking the myth that we need someone else to complete us. Whether you're flying solo or navigating the tides of a relationship, this episode is an ode to the essence of love, starting with the love we owe ourselves. Join me on this transformative adventure, as we celebrate the beauty of self-discovery and the courage to live authentically, every single day.
Welcome to The Positive Voice, a feel-good podcast designed to inspire and uplift through heartfelt conversations and the power of positivity! Hosted by transformational life coach and hope dealer, Kimberly Houston, where we delve into personal growth, wellness, and the beauty of overcoming life's challenges.
Join our creative and supportive community as we laugh, learn, and grow together on this life-changing journey. Subscribe to The Positive Voice and let's spread the joy, one conversation at a time!
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Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of the Positive Voice podcast. I am your host, coach, chef Kim. I am so, so glad that you guys took some time out to tune in today. So today is Valentine's Day and I was actually really excited to do this episode. This is going to be a little different, but it'll still be CCK, so let's talk about it All right. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't care if you are single, if you are in a relationship, if you're in a relationship and you hate it, if you're in a relationship and you love it, you're single and you hate it, you single and you love it. Listen, it doesn't matter, I'm still sending you love on Valentine's Day. So one of the things that I will admit to like I will hold a mirror up to myself and I will admit this I historically have not been a fan of Valentine's Day, not because I don't actually love love in like Valentine's Day. If you know me on a personal level, you know how obsessed I am with Hallmark. So clearly I love love. But the lie, the limiting belief that I told myself when I was a teenager, was that Valentine's Day was just a commercial day. It's not that big of a deal and I'm never going to care about it, because when I was in high school I never got a candy gram, I never had a teddy bear show up randomly in my locker, I never got a Valentine's Day card. Like none of that ever happened for me when I was in high school. And then I met my high school sweetheart literally the week of Valentine's Day. So that was a little too early. You know what I mean. It was a little too early for all of that, and that was senior year, and so then we moved on.
Speaker 1:I moved into adulthood, but I carried into my adult life and into those relationships is limiting belief that no one would ever love me enough to really shower me with a gift on Valentine's Day. Now, this did not come from childhood trauma Okay, it did not, because my father got arrested so gave me a Valentine's Day gift every year, and so that was never like that. That wasn't a thing for me. I always got a gift on Valentine's Day from my parents. It was just that I didn't think I was one of the girls who were pretty enough to get anything from someone else, and so by went into all of my adult relationships with this limiting belief that I wasn't enough, I would never be enough, and I did not put the expectation on the people I was with that this was something they needed to do for me to show their love and affection. Okay, okay, thanks and happy childhood mood. That is not to say that I never received Valentine's Day gifts. That's not true. I definitely did. I definitely dated and married a man who gave me Valentine's Day gifts, but at the same time, I literally just did not make Valentine's Day a big deal.
Speaker 1:Okay, so now that I have been, by choice, single for the last almost for you, well, for three years, three and a half years at this point, um, I wrote it on my vision board. I wrote it on my bingo card. I wrote it on my manifesting 43 things for my 43rd year. I wrote it in my um. If you took my beyond the vision board class this year that I did in January, it's on those posted notes I wrote and that hold on, let me grab it.
Speaker 1:I wrote that one of my dreams for 2024 was to engage in a beautifully healthy and engaging romantic relationship. The affirmation of intent that goes along with that says I deserve love without struggle and pain. I am worthy of having a healed partner. Okay, let's talk about it. Let's, let's get into it on this here. Valentine's Day, okay, okay. So now, unless by some miracle, somebody's been to show up in my life within the next couple of hours, we are still single on Valentine's Day. Okay, not even a prospect. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay Cause, hear me out, I want you to listen to what I said. I said I am worthy of having a healed partner. Okay, now, follow this. Here's a T, here's a T.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I realized. Something I realized while I was scrolling like Instagram, tik Tok, whatever, and I'm listening to the girlies talk about how they want X, y, z out of a partner, and I oftentimes took my head sideways and I go have you become the version of yourself that deserves this person you were trying to manifest? See, that's the conversation. We don't want to have that. That one right there. That's it, okay. So, listen, I when I was writing these things out, one of the things that I wrote, so, okay, I have multiple different categories of my post-it notes and one of the categories says what is the most important aspects of this dream or goal for me? Having a partner that complements and does not compete with me is important. Okay, I have never said that before, but just kind of based on what I've seen and what I've experienced and that is now a priority Right, like that's super important. But next to it it says why is this important? And here's my answer After three years of doing self-work, I'm finally in a space of knowing what I deserve.
Speaker 1:Y'all, when you are on a healing journey. I am not quite sure how people go on this journey by and they're in a relationship If the person you are with when you are going on this journey is not also evolving, I don't know how the two of you stay together. Now, I'm sure there that there are people who they have survived that and it worked out for them. But I can tell you from my experience, when one person grew and the other person did not, it did not go well in the relationship. Now I have intentionally been single and not in a I don't want to be with somebody type of way. I wanted to get to know me. I wanted to get to know myself. I knew I intentionally went on this journey of self-discovery and of healing and when you are healing, you're not just healing from past relationships. Like y'all, I went back to the playground. I was healing things from my childhood that I didn't even know I needed to heal from.
Speaker 1:Like I did the work, I did the deep work, I did the hard work, I did the you know, baby, I'm crying myself to sleep work, like I have done the work. Now, because I have done the work and I know there's still work to do, the highest version of myself is with someone who has also done the work, someone who has also focused on themselves and been very intentional about who they spend their time with, how they show up in this world, the things that they put out into the world. They understand that in order to be connected to someone, they must first know how to connect with themselves. That they understand that the prize isn't in the relationship, that they are the prize. They understand that I can't complete them and they can't complete me, but the two of us together are forced to be reckoned with and we have yet to meet right.
Speaker 1:Like the way I look at love and relationships post-divorce, post cutting out all the bullshit and really focusing on myself, my mental stability, the things that I actually want and not the things that patriarchy tells us we should want, like once I got real clear on who Kimberly is, on who CCK is, what her life is gonna look like and those things that she enjoys doing without a partner, that she's able to travel the world by herself or with someone that she is, with someone who makes her laugh, who is fun to be with, who understands his place in the world and is willing to open up space for her to join. Right Like my highest version, my highest level self knows that when this man enters her orbit, there will not be chaos. It will be peaceful. It will literally fit the way it's supposed to.
Speaker 1:I'm delusional enough to believe that it will be like the Hallmark movies, because why the hell not? I 100% believe I can be in a relationship with the person and it's not chaotic and it's not messy and it doesn't have a whole lot of baggage and a whole lot of shit. I got a tiptoe through. You wanna know why? I know that? Because I got rid of my baggage, because I healed myself, because I've already done the heavy lifting and gotten rid of the bullshit, because I've already done that for myself, I know that any relationship I move into is gonna be a whole heck of a lot lighter than any other relationship in my past. Right, and so my expectation is also me and the universe are on one accord here. If everything else in my life is fully aligned, then the relationship will also be. But here's the kicker, friends, here's the kicker. My life is fulfilled whether I have a partner or not.
Speaker 1:I have heard women say that before and I was like, ooh, she just saying that to say that that sound real better. She don't mean that y'all. Yet it did. Yet it did. To all the older women who had already experienced life and understood some things, and they loved themselves and they had become one with themselves, they trusted themselves, they had a spirit of discernment and they knew it was easier for them to be by themselves than to be wrapped up in a blanket with a man who was gonna drive them crazy. Yeah, to all those sisters who understood what I didn't understand, please accept my apology, because what I require at this phase of my life, it requires a certain type of person. It requires someone who's done their own healing work and what I know based on medical journals that I've read, based on papers I've had to write, based on books that I've read about humanistic psychology and positive psychology and all of these things. I understand how the human brain works. I understand how emotions work.
Speaker 1:I've never been 100% emotionally available in a relationship. I can say that. I can say that. On the other side, looking back, now that I have explored what that looks like for myself, I know 100% that I have never shown up fully as myself in any past relationship. I've always had to show up as the version of me they had in their heads, and for however long I needed to play that role in order to make sure the relationship was okay, that's what I did. Now this might not be a romantic relationship for you if you are listening to this. Some of us show up for our parents in order to meet the version of us in their heads. That really isn't us. That's kind of where it started for me. My children asked why I act a certain way around my parents and I act a different way around them, and I was like well, I mean, some things are accepted and some things are not accepted, and so it's just easier for me to minimize my true self in order to just kind of keep the peace and one of the things that I have just, you know, november 19th completely changed my whole life, but that is the day my father died. But, honestly, something else happened during that time that really, really changed my life and it literally just hit me. While I'm recording this podcast, I'm trying not to cry.
Speaker 1:November 17th is the day that my father came home from the hospital and we knew this was the end. Now, for weeks, for three weeks leading up to that week, I had seen the numbers 1117 multiple times, multiple times, and the week that I didn't know what it meant, I was just like, okay, I keep seeing these numbers and I just kind of went on my day. I was looking at the calendar that Monday and I told my son and I said, hey, I don't know what this means, but I keep seeing the numbers 1117. And I said I don't know what it means, but Friday is 1117. That was the date and I was like I don't know what it means, but I'm just just putting it out there in case something happens. And so 1117 comes and my father makes it through the night, right, he doesn't pass until the 19th. And so, even though I knew those four numbers were in my head and I had seen them repeatedly, until this moment. It did not hit me.
Speaker 1:What happened on 1117? So 1117, my mom brought my dad home from the hospital. We knew he was in hospice at this point and we knew this was the end. That night my son and I were like we were rotating who was sitting in the room, you know, who was giving medicine, whatever? And we were sitting in there. He was talking to us. He was super lucid and he asked Marshall if Marshall was okay. He said he was tired, he was done. He asked Marshall if Marshall was okay if he did not wake up the next morning. And then he looked at me and he said you're going to be okay if I don't wake up tomorrow. And I said what? And he was like I'm done, I'm tired, like I don't want to do this anymore. And I had Marshall go get my mother and when she came in and sat with him, he told her he was tired, he was done, he was ready to go. And she said now, are you sure? Like, are you sure you're ready now Y'all? He looked at her and he said this is not living. It was 1117. He said this is not living About a week ago I'm so sorry for the waterworks.
Speaker 1:Okay, moving on. So a week ago I messaged one of my friends who was a therapist and I was like yo, I cannot get this out of my head. When my father told my mother this is not living, I was like I can't let it go and I said every decision that I have made since then has been me listening to him say this is not living. Okay, we're back ahead and take a moment, all right. So my friend and I were talking about this and I'm like you know, I can't like really shake this Like one of the last things he said was this is not living in. When he passed two days later it was super peaceful, like I'm glad I was a part of the moment, and since then I have been really, really focused on living my life and one of the things that I think about in living my life it shows up in how I coach now. So in my emergence coaching I am focused.
Speaker 1:So we have a 90 day program for emergence coaching and the first 30 days is dealing with self, is called know thyself, so you learn about yourself. We take a couple of personalities, us, we take a test on knowing how you stabilize yourself in life. It gets real, psychology based. It gets really into who you are as a person, how you show up in the world and why you show up in the world the way you show up in the world. So that's the first 30 days of the program. And in the next 30 days of the program we deal with abundance, mindset, so abundance, living, manifesting more and understanding your money blocks. And in the last 30 days we are really really focused on how do you live this out outside of the program.
Speaker 1:And so in the first 30 days my focus with people is one knowing yourself and becoming radically accepting of who you are as a person. Right, showing up in the world as the version of yourself that other people think you are. Let me tell you something Every single person has a different version of you in their head. Know, two people share the same version of you, not even your children. Everyone has a different version of you in their head. Yo, if everybody has a different version of you in their head, do you understand that if you attempt to show up as that version of yourself for every single person in your life, you are the ringleader of a three ring circus. It makes me question do you even know who you are. So when people ask me how do I show up authentically in the world, baby, you got to know who you are first. You can't show up authentically if you literally continue to show up as different versions of yourself to appease other people.
Speaker 1:And so the lesson that I learned on 1117 was I needed to live my life for me. The one thing my dad always said my entire life is you're not going to go before your time, and up until 1119, I didn't believe that. He did not go until he was ready to go. And now I'm like well, I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of dying. No, I'm not really sure what happens afterwards, but I'm not afraid of it anymore.
Speaker 1:Now that I've witnessed this, and the thing that I have learned is you need to live the life you have. You need to live it to the best of your ability, and in order for you to live a life that is worth living, a life worth fighting for, a life that changes how you and other people show up in the world, in order to do that, you must first know who you are. You must love yourself If you are seeking outward validation from other people, if you are waiting for somebody to tell you you're a good girl. Listen, if that's just you know, if that's not your thing in the bedroom and you are expecting this 24 seven baby, you got some work to do. Listen, I get it. I get the BDSM lifestyle. I get the whole Dom submissive, I get the Brats and the baby girls and you need somebody to tell you that you're doing a wonderful job. It's one thing when it's a game. It's another thing when you live your entire life waiting for the approval and the exit and you are waiting for other people to give you permission to do things in your life.
Speaker 1:That is not radical acceptance. That is also not you showing up authentically. You cannot be authentic if you don't know who you are. So, if you are someone who is on their journey, discovering themselves because that is something that we will continue to do until we take our last breath If you are someone who was thinking I want to be loved, I want to love more, I want to have someone who will love me. Before you go jump out of their relationship, before you go jump under the covers, before you go have a baby because you think they gonna love you, let me tell you something Humans are human and I don't care if they are a big human or a little human. They gonna take your love if you give it to them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are gonna give it back to you. The best person that can love you is you Someone.
Speaker 1:This Valentine's Day, I hope that you take a little bit of time to spend some time with yourself, love on yourself, become radically accepting of yourself and who you are, and if you are unsure of who that is, and I invite you to come and join our mindset group. We do a lot of work around this, a lot of work around authenticity and how to show up in the world and how to discover who your true self is. If you are somebody who really is ready to do the work, then cohort two is open. It will not start until the end of May, but you can go ahead and sign up for it now. The current cohort will end April 15th and we will kick off cohort two, I think right now, in the middle of May, so that I can have a one on one session with everyone before the group work starts in June.
Speaker 1:If you would love to join us, I would love to have you, if you are ready to go on a journey of self discovery and exploration and a positive and nurturing and caring environment, then I would love for you to check out my 90 day emergence coaching group. You can reach that at coachchefkipcom. Backslash emergence. All the information is there will also be in the show notes. And remember on this Valentine's Day I love you and I want you to love you too. Until next time, stay sweet friends.
