The Positive Voice

E64: Confronting Procrastination with Grace, Self-Love, and Transformative Action

March 10, 2024 Coach Chef Kimberly Houston

Have you ever found yourself caught in the web of procrastination, with ambitions slipping through your fingers as you tell yourself, "I'll start tomorrow"? It's a common trap, but one that we bravely tackle head-on in this enriching dialogue. We're peeling back the layers of postponement to reveal a pathway lined with self-awareness and the pursuit of success. Join me on a heartfelt journey, where we confront the myths ensnaring our potential and celebrate the power of consistency as a beacon guiding us away from the seductive shadows of delay. 

Imagine a world where the grind is replaced with grace, where the relentless hustle yields to a journey marked by ease and alignment. That's the transformative message Shay Bynes shares with us, as we dissect the "Grace Over Grind" philosophy and its profound implications for how we approach our work and dreams. Meanwhile, the language of self-love whispers its secrets, as we venture into a candid exploration of the internal dialogues that shape our reality. We'll discuss how deeply our past, especially the roles of our parents, shapes our self-talk, and how embracing emotional tools like the feelings wheel can revolutionize our expression and connections with those around us.

As the curtains draw to a close on this episode, I open up about birthing new ventures from the ashes of personal adversity. Through the tales of my food photography business and coaching service, we confront the illusion of control and the beauty of vulnerability. There's an invitation to small, actionable steps and the courage to say 'yes' to your goals, igniting your potential and setting an inspirational blaze for others to follow. It's not just about overcoming procrastination; it's about doing so with a heart full of love and a spirit enriched by accountability. Let's walk this path together, one beat of the heart and one step at a time.

Welcome to The Positive Voice, a feel-good podcast designed to inspire and uplift through heartfelt conversations and the power of positivity! Hosted by transformational life coach and hope dealer, Kimberly Houston, where we delve into personal growth, wellness, and the beauty of overcoming life's challenges.


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Speaker 1:

Good morning friends, and welcome to another episode of the visionary catalyst podcast, y'all, it has been a week it's actually been a doozy of a couple of two weeks Not because life has been hard or difficult. Life has just been happening. I've reached a phase in my life where I am living my life. I'm not watching my life happen to me. I'm actively participating in co-creating the existence that I have on the earth. That causes things to look a little differently.

Speaker 1:

One of the things I was thinking about more recently is the things that we force ourselves to do, or the things that we are procrastinating with. This is a thought that came to mind when I got up this morning. The first thing that I saw on Time Hop was the quote procrastination is the arrogance assumption God will give you more time to do something he told you to do right now. Later I wrote that quote on Facebook back in 2019, and every year, every year, when this comes back around, it's still just as heavy as it was then. The difference for me now is that when I think about those words, procrastination is the arrogant assumption God will give you more time to do something he told you to do right now. Later. It puts a lot of things into perspective. One of the things that I wanted to really dig into, especially as I am entering into coursework and really studying the science behind manifestation and how you change your brain and how you rewire your brain, and understanding just how and why humans do the things that they do. This is something that is super, super interesting to me. It's one thing to just be like it's arrogant of you to assume that God will give you more time to do something that he told you to do. I think it's also equally as important for us to understand what procrastination is and what it is not.

Speaker 1:

For people in the spiritual world religion-wise is what I'm thinking Some people procrastination may be considered disobedient, being rebellious against whatever the calling is on your life and whatever God has placed inside of you. For people who are not very religious, or for people like me who have deconstructed from religion itself yes, I still believe in God, but do I believe in the man-made systems that we have in place right now? Not necessarily. That's a completely different podcast episode. If you are unfamiliar with the black church and how religion came to be, just go back to slavery when you look at how religion was used in order to keep black people in bondage. I don't think that has changed. I just think that the people in the pulpit now look like me. That's the only difference. But I'm off my soapbox on that one. Follow me with this one If I'm just thinking about this in a non-religious way.

Speaker 1:

If we think about this as psychology, some people cannot start because their brains won't allow them to start. We have to understand that. I want to break down dealing with procrastination on that level. I don't want this to be a spiritual beating over the head that God is going to smite you if you don't do something. I don't think that's who God is. I don't think the universe actually responds to us in that way. What I do think is that we have opportunities to be better in life. That's what we're going to talk about today opportunities to overcome procrastination.

Speaker 1:

Tip number one understand that commitment requires consistency. Consistency combats procrastination. When you understand the importance of your assignment, then you are more willing to do the work, understanding that if I don't consistently show up for my coaching students, they are not going to be held accountable. They are not going to complete the task they need to complete. I will be out of alignment with myself and with the higher calling that I have on this earth if I don't show up on a consistent basis for the people that I have committed myself to? We just have to understand that very, very simply, commitment and procrastination are almost polar opposites of one another. If you're super committed to something, you're not going to procrastinate on it. Remember that commitment requires consistency.

Speaker 1:

Tip number two, and this is big for me y'all operates from a position of Grace Overgrime. I mentioned this on my podcast before, but author Shay Bynes has an incredible book called Grace Overgrime. This book changed my life in 2020. I bought it in 2019, but I wasn't in the place where I could receive the message. I read it again in 2020. When I say it blew my mind. I have not operated from a place of grind in over two years.

Speaker 1:

I also don't use the word hustle. I don't say hustle and I don't say grind. Hustle mentality is something that society tells you you should have in order to complete more work. That's not necessarily true. If you don't believe me, follow me for two seconds while I take you on this little rant that I have about hustling. Hustle mentality simply translates to working hard. Working hard is what we have been taught culturally is the only way that we are going to be successful as people of color.

Speaker 1:

Now, I can't speak for any other nationality, any other particular origin, because that's not who I am, but as a black woman, I have been taught since I was born that I needed to be two to three times better than people who don't look like me. I have always been taught that hard work pays off. This is what was instilled in me from childhood, and while that sounds great and wonderful, the reality is that this is no different than telling slaves they needed to work just as hard as the person that they were having to feel. So let's take a moment back to slavery. During slavery, they would put the fastest worker in the middle of the field and everybody on that plan and the organization had to do as much work as that fastest worker. So this means, in order for me to show my worth and show that I am a dedicated quote unquote employee out here in this field, I need to work just as hard and just as fast as somebody else. That this may be a lot easier for them to do. How is it any different from being in corporate America? There's always going to be somebody with a little bit more energy, someone who is going to always be the overachiever.

Speaker 1:

There are some people that things come very, very easily too. For example, we realized that when my son was seven years old that they could see things, that they had a photographic memory. My son uses they, them pronouns, so that is why I'm saying that I'm not crazy or honoring the pronouns. Okay, so they use different mechanisms to ace every test in the second grade, when I had my son tested at seven years old, they tested on a post high school level. So at seven years old, I am now in building with a child that is capable of learning college level work. The reason that they were able to do that is because they have a photographic memory. Now is it fair to put my seven year old against another seven year old who doesn't have a photographic memory, or even against another adult who doesn't have a photographic memory? No, that's not fair because they are not equal. They are not equal, but other people were placed against them all the time, and so it made my child elevated in levels that I'm not and in ways that would make other people not feel as smart, even some of his teachers, even some of their teachers, excuse me, like we had to deal with teachers feeling less than capable to teach the child. That's how we ended up moving into private school and then later homeschooling.

Speaker 1:

You have to understand that everything is not as it seems right. When we are trying to hustle our way through, we are trying to grind it out. When we are pushing our bodies and our minds and our souls and our spirits to levels that we were never intended to go to, you're just busy, you're not productive. The scene on social media, when people are like booked and busy, that's not cute. It's not cute. I put booked and busy, grind and hustle mentality right up there with being a strong friend. These are things society has conditioned you to believe are positive. But the reality is that none of this is just positive. None of it. It's a trauma response and stop it immediately, because if you believe that the only way that you can get things is through hard work, then there's absolutely no way you're gonna manifest the life that you want to have, because in the life that I'm manifesting, it does not require hard work. The life that I am manifesting says that money comes to me easily. If money comes to me easily, that has nothing to do with our work. It means that I am an open vessel and I'm open to receive abundant gifts from the universe, but if the only way that I think I am going to be able to have the life that I wanna manifest is through hard work, it's never gonna happen, because that's not who I am. So understand that you can operate from a position of grace over grind, as opposed to this hard core hustle mentality.

Speaker 1:

Tip number three set accountability. I stated it this way for a reason. Setting accountability is gonna look different for different people. Number one it can mean you have an accountability partner. Here's my issue with accountability partners, though Don't tell your best friend, who is equally as uncommitted to their own lives as you are, to be your accountability partner. That's not gonna work right? Iron sharpens iron. I cannot have you hold me accountable and you don't hold yourself accountable. So whoever it is that's holding you accountable needs to be someone in a position of authority, in a position of leadership. I don't know. Hire a business coach, right, don't be afraid of that. Hiring a business coach is one of the greatest investments you can ever make in your life. It just is. So you need to make sure you have a level of authority in your accountability.

Speaker 1:

If it's going to be another person Number two this could also look like you need to hire an assistant. I have an assistant and I am accountable to her. When she asked me what is going on in our newsletter this week, well, shall I gotta tell her, because it's my newsletter, right, and so she doesn't know. She's not inside of my head and so we have to have these conversations where she's like okay, these are the things I need from you in order to complete my job so that your business can continue to run. So when we need to send out invoices to people, when we are booking coaching clients, when we are working on welcome packets and we are orienting new people into my business, there are things that I have to have in place in order for my assistant to be able to fully and completely do her job. That is a level of accountability that most people are not ready for.

Speaker 1:

You wanna be the boss, but you don't make boss moves. Boss moves means you don't do everything yourself. It is not cute to say that you are the CEO and the janitor. I used to say that all the time, all the freaking time that was everywhere. I'm the CEO and the janitor Beloved. I've never seen the CEO of Fortune 500 company scrubbing the toilet.

Speaker 1:

Let's be clear, okay when you're the CEO of a company for real, when you're the boss for real, you do boss things, and boss things include hiring help. It includes understanding that you are one person. It includes the understanding that not only am I one person and I need to hire help. That requires me to relinquish control of every single piece of this business. It requires me to understand that I need help. It requires me to understand that, while I am in a vulnerable position of needing to open myself up in order for help to come in, if I don't do it, I am gonna procrastinate and I'm not gonna get the things done. Because what happens now? I feel overwhelmed. And what does coach Chef Kim tell you? Overwhelm is a choice. You made the decision, or you've made a series of decisions that have allowed you to now feel overwhelmed about the things that you could have very easily given to someone else. I'm gonna live. Now for your final tip get in tune with yourself and learn what your limiting beliefs are. This is going to be something that we dig into hardcore in the coming weeks and months.

Speaker 1:

Knowing what your own limiting beliefs are is an internal process. It's a daily practice of listening to yourself. It is a daily practice in self-love. It is understanding that the voice inside of your head is typically not your own. The voice in your head normally are the thoughts that other people put there. If you listen to yourself and you listen to the way that you talk to yourself in your head, if you talk to yourself out of doing things, at what point did somebody tell you you weren't good enough? At what point did someone tell you you were not worthy? At what point did someone put the thought in your mind that you could not accomplish anything?

Speaker 1:

As a parent, I often think about the things that we say to our children. I was scrolling through Instagram this week and there's a family that I follow that does a lot of gentle parenting. I just really love the way that she speaks to her children. This week she was talking about be mindful of the things you say to your children, because when they become adults, it's your voice in their head that they hear. When your kid is upset, they're visibly upset and they're crying and you're like what's wrong with you. The child cannot articulate what's wrong. As an adult, we look at this and we're like there's obviously something wrong with you because you're crying. I need you to tell me what's wrong with you so I can fix it. That is how we, as adults, look at this situation. Well, when you flip it, if the child doesn't have the language to be able to articulate what's wrong, they cannot tell you what's wrong. As they grow up as adults, they do the same thing.

Speaker 1:

Think about how many times you've asked another adult what's wrong and they can't answer you, or they give you one of five different responses I don't know, I don't feel I'm tired, I'll be okay. Most people will say I'll be okay. I don't have the language to tell you what's wrong with them. In order to avoid that internal dialogue and that conflict, they just tell you I'll be okay. You're specifically going about your business, right? Well, now think about that for yourself. How many times have you asked yourself, girl, what's wrong with you? Why are you tripping like this? Why are you doing this to us? What's wrong with you? You begin to ask yourself this question and you still don't have the language.

Speaker 1:

We don't have the language because, generationally, people didn't tell us what the language was. No one taught us how to get in touch with our emotions. When I started therapy two years ago, I had absolutely no idea the number of emotions and feelings that humans have, that we have categorized down to just a handful of things. That was one of my very first assignments was to look at a feelings wheel. My therapist was like when I ask you how are you feeling? I need you to pick one of these words off of this list that accurately describes where you are in life right now. That's not something you've ever used before. It gave me the language to understand that everything can't be bottled up or summed up in one word. I could be a lot of things right now, and that's okay, but in order for me to heal, in order for me to move forward, in order for me to progress, I need to be able to articulate that to someone. Or if I cannot articulate that, I need to be able to say that, for instance, this looks something like this for us in my house.

Speaker 1:

I ask my children how do you need me to support you right now? Are you ranting because you're upset? Do you need me to give you words of affirmation so you feel better? Do you need me to hug you, because right now you need physical touch. Do you need time by yourself? I need you to tell me what it is that you want, even when you don't have the language to articulate how you feel. I need you to tell me what you need me to do.

Speaker 1:

In response to that Number one, this teaches people boundaries. I am not going to constantly berate you and ask you the same question over and over. I'm not going to do it because for me, that's uncomfortable and I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my body. So if I am uncomfortable in my body while I'm trying to help you through something, we're not going to progress. So I don't do that. That's number one. Number two this is not about me, this is about you, and so when I'm thinking about you and helping you get in tune with yourself and your limiting beliefs, I'm going to stop and ask you a couple of questions. How do you need me to support you right now? Do we need to circle back around? Do you need time to think about this and digest it? Are you ready to have a conversation about it? Do you want to have a conversation about this or do you just want to talk? Would you like me to just listen, because I can do that as well, understanding that everything doesn't need a response.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes people just need to quote, unquote, get it off the chest. I just need to talk this out, I just need to talk it through, and I need another person who was going to listen to me in a non-judgmental way to have my back right now. And so one of the things that I tell my friends, even if I don't have the language for them, if I know they're hurting, if I know this is the anniversary of a parent's death, the anniversary of a pregnancy loss, the anniversary of your divorce, right? All those things look different for people when people are making big decisions, when they're making very large life decisions.

Speaker 1:

I am not going to try and fix that for you, because I cannot, but I will tell you that I'm holding space for you right now, because that's all I can do as an outside participant of this, because I understand that if you have shared this intimate moment with me, then you hold me in high regard. When you hold me in high regard, I automatically become a part of your accountability system and, as a person who was going to be in line with your accountability system, I want to make sure that I don't put my thoughts in your head. You already have enough, right. And so, as you are trying to decipher what's happening internally, what you're feeling emotionally and what you're thinking psychologically, all of those things can start like this wave, this crash, this thunderstorm of emotions that will happen inside of your body, and I don't want to add to that. I don't want to add to the thunderstorm. I want to be a part of the peace. I want to help you get to the peaceful place, because I know once you get to the peaceful place, we can go back to the top of this list and start looking at the things you need to execute right. And so I will say I'm holding space for you as you go through this. Right now, you are able to talk to me when you need to right. Like, I'm not going to pressure you. If you're not ready to talk about it, that's OK. When you are ready, I'm here and I'm here to listen. I'm not here to give you advice unless you ask for it.

Speaker 1:

When we take that position number one, it helps us, as people, understand our own limiting beliefs. I'm never going to place my limiting beliefs on another person, right? I'm very, very conscious of that. I'm not going to tell you you can't do something. I don't believe in it. I believe we can all do anything and everything we want to do if we put our mind to it, not if we work hard for it. There's a difference, right? I believe that if you think it and you believe it, it will happen. I do not believe that if you work hard day and night until you break your body down, it will happen.

Speaker 1:

And the reason I don't believe that is because I did work hard. I did work day and night. I did break my body down. I did have to go through seven months of physical therapy, learning how to open a door knob, learning how to hold a cup again and learning how to write my name. I went through that already, and so I understand that hard work is actually not the way to go. Hard work is not the way to go.

Speaker 1:

I am more happy in my life now than I ever have been, and I don't work hard. I have far more money than I've ever had in my life. You want to know why? Because I believe I can have it. Not only do I believe I can have it, I believe I deserve it, and because I know this, because I know that I deserve it, because I know that I am worthy and because I know there's not another person on the face of this earth that can give it to me outside of myself, I understand the importance of me not procrastinating as I co-create my existence on this earth with the universe. I understand my position. I understand limiting beliefs. I do not allow myself to wallow in self-fity or self-doubt. That is a limiting belief. If you don't encourage yourself and tell yourself you can do something, you need to find somebody else that can tell you that. There is not one friend in my life that's going to tell you. I tell them they can't do something. Now only am I going to tell them that they can do it. I'm going to tell them that a subject matter expert at it Not only are they the subject matter expert at doing what they can do I tell them there's not another person on the face of this earth that can do it better than them. You want to know why? Because you are uniquely you, and there is not another person on the face of this earth that is going to deliver this message in the way that you can. How do I know that I can do this podcast.

Speaker 1:

People ask me all the time what made you start a podcast? I don't know. I said I was going to start one and so three days later I had one. What made you believe that you could have a successful food photography business? Because I had no other choice, because I put my mind to it, because I made a decision Like that's all this is for me. Make a decision and, yeah, I can say that from the position of someone who has seen success. But let's be real and let's be clear. If you have listened to this podcast over the last almost two years, you have seen the transition. You have heard the transition in my voice. You can see it on the website. I started all of this out of a place of brokenness. I started all of this after my marriage ending. Nobody gets married with the intent of the ending. I birthed all of these things a book, a textbook, a podcast, a new business, a coaching business. All of these things are the result of my life falling apart. My life was in shambles in 2020.

Speaker 1:

The difference between me and a lot of other people is that I knew I did not have the space to break down. Remember that strong friend mentality that I went on a rant about a couple of episodes ago. I don't believe in that anymore. You want to know why? Because I did not have the space to not be the strong friend when I was hurting the most, when I was hurting. Do you want to know what everybody told me? You're so strong. I can't believe how strong you are. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice but to be strong. I've never been given the opportunity not to be strong. I don't have the space to break down. There is no one holding space for me because I'm the strong friend when I needed someone to say to me I'm holding space for you. What do you need? Do you need a hug? Do you need a cry? Do I need to make you an amaretto sour so you can feel better? No, I don't drink. I just remember that from 18 years ago. At what point do you realize that the weight of the world is not yours to carry?

Speaker 1:

And a lot of people are stuck in paralysis where they are unable to complete the task at hand because number one no one else is telling them I got your back. They don't believe that they can delegate tasks to other people. That's called being a control freak. They don't have a control trauma response because somewhere, somehow down the line, somebody has taught you the lesson that when you depend on other people, they will let you down. Trust me, I'm a recovering strong friend. I'm a recovering strong friend. I'm a recovering person who doesn't know how to delegate things. I'm recovering because I know that's a trauma response because people have let me down.

Speaker 1:

I'm a recovering strong friend. I'm a recovering strong friend. I'm a recovering strong friend because people have made promises to me and then they did not follow through. I understand all of those things. I'm not so strong. I'm not all these things that people want me to be. I'm simply me and I'm someone who pays attention and I learn how to move differently. But am I going to beat myself up because something didn't work out? Absolutely not. I just want to get the situation with more wisdom. It means that, yeah, I tried this launch and it was a $0 launch. I've had those, I've had a $0 launch before, and so does that cause me to feel a little bit of discomfort in my body when I'm ready to release something new? Yeah, but it's not going to stop me. You have to be able to get through the discomfortable feeling in your body in order for you to be there. That's all it is. Just recognize this discomfort in your body. That's it. It's an uncomfortable feeling in your body. It does not mean that your brain needs to all of a sudden start telling you you're not worthy, you're not good enough, you can't do this.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's Netflix and chill at night Instead of begging out that class we need to be working on. Oh, that's Netflix and chill tonight instead of I don't know creating a new recipe and taking photos so I can sell them on Monday morning. Oh, let me just go take a ride and get some Starbucks instead of actually sitting down and writing the book that I need to write. Oh, let me just. You know, tonight we're going to go out and we're going to have dinner and I'm going to have some drinks with the girls, just so that I don't have to put the time and the energy and the effort into the thing that I know is going to catapult me to the next level. Are you afraid of the next level? Because that's one part of procrastination You're afraid of success. I say this all the time. Some people are afraid of failure, but a lot of people are afraid of success, but I'm the one that's going to tell you.

Speaker 1:

When you tell me, well, it might not work out, I'm going to say, well, what if it does? Well, it might not work out, but what if it does? But it might not work out? Okay, fine, it might not work out, but is your life going to be any different than it is right now if it doesn't work out? No, but what if it does work out? What if that thing you've been putting off for the last month, the last quarter, the last year, the last decade, what if that thing that you have been looking at, that's in multiple notebooks that you know needs to be released to the world? What if that thing is actually the thing that not only is your breakthrough, but the breakthrough for others?

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing that I have written on my wall your yes to something insert thing here. Your yes is the catalyst to set other people free. My podcast is called the visionary catalyst for a reason. It's not here to pump you up and make you quote unquote feel good about yourself. It's here in order to spark something inside of you, to cause the vision to come down, because I understand that when I'm disobedient and when I say I'm not going to do something, when I procrastinate and I don't do something, my no is in direct defiance. My no is going to be the block for somebody else, but my yes says people free. My yes allows people to do other things they didn't think they could do. My yes encourages other people to do things for other people. I changed the trajectory of lives of people I will never meet, simply because I decided to load up a microphone on my computer. I decided I'm going to launch coaching programs, simply because I decided I'm going to go back to school to learn more about transformational leadership and coaching. Just because I decided I'm going to take an active interest in helping other people live out their fullest potential. My yes will change the trajectory of hundreds of thousands of lives, and I'm very aware of that.

Speaker 1:

I think procrastination is not something I can do all the time. I can't. I don't have the luxury of saying I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed as a choice. You can absolutely do this. You break it down one piece at a time, in bit by bit by bit. We commit to the thing that we need to do. Even if you fall off, you can get back up again who is stopping you? And the only answer to that question is you. There's not another person on this earth that can make you not do something, just like nobody else on this earth can make you do something. That's an internal choice that you have to be willing to do and that you have to be willing to make.

Speaker 1:

And so, while I woke up this morning and chose violence on Facebook and made a Facebook post that says procrastination is the arrogant assumption that will give you more time to do something he told you to do right now, later, I wanted to be able to give you a little bit more background, and I wanted to be able to give you the language and some steps so that you can articulate what you're doing in this season of your life, so that you can actively co create the existence that you want, so that you don't feel so overwhelmed that you do nothing. Understand that overwhelm is a choice. Understand that overwhelm is a thought. It is a thought that you can recognize. It is a thought that you can say okay, it is a thought. I can choose to believe something else.

Speaker 1:

Right now, the only way for you to fully combat procrastination is for you to take an internal look at yourself and for you to fully understand that. Well, to some this looks like disobedience and that feels wrong. To me it feels hurtful and it doesn't feel godly. But to other people, procrastination is a trauma response because somewhere, somebody told you you couldn't do something. And I'm here to tell you that if you listen to this podcast, you are listening for a reason and you can do it. Now only can you do it. You can do it in excellence. Now only can you do it in excellence. You can do it with ease. Now only can you do it with ease. You can call in positive energy and positive vibrations. You can understand that you can co-create the life that you want with the universe, without hard work, without having to grind, without having to live in hustle mentality. You can do it with ease. You can do it with grace. You can do it with dignity. You can do it with a smile on your face. You can do it because you understand that not only is this fulfilling, that it's going to feel others up as well. So that's all I have for y'all today.

Speaker 1:

I didn't mean to hardcore choose violence the way I did this one on Facebook, but just based on the responses. I was like, let me go ahead and knock this out as a podcast episode because, listen, I love you. Okay, I want you to know that I love you hardcore, and I want us all to win, I want us all to succeed. But I want us all to know, believe and understand that with commitment, grace, accountability and positive thoughts, you can absolutely overcome procrastination Until next time. Talk to you soon, loves.

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