S2E10: The PROOF You Need to Overcome Self-Doubt

On today's episode, we're diving into a topic that every entrepreneur faces: self-doubt. That little voice can creep in at the worst moments—before a big launch, after a setback, or when you're chasing your next big goal. But here's the truth: while self-doubt is normal, it doesn’t have to control you.

In this conversation, I introduce you to my new mindset tool, PROOF, designed to help you interrupt negative thought spirals and regain your confidence in real time. PROOF stands for:
🔹 Pause
🔹 Reflect
🔹 Observe
🔹 Open
🔹 Frame

Together, we’ll unpack:
💡 How to ground yourself in the present moment during a spiral.
💡 The power of identifying whether your beliefs are truly yours or inherited.
💡 Why understanding your body's physical reactions can lead to emotional breakthroughs.
💡 How to reframe doubts into empowering thoughts that propel you forward.

This episode is packed with actionable steps and insights to help you show up as your most confident self. Remember, you’re capable, and you’ve got this! 💪

✨ Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Let’s build a community of women entrepreneurs who conquer self-doubt and thrive together!

🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward mastering your mindset.

The Show Notes and Extra Materials can be found Here.

#MindsetCoach #WomenEntrepreneurs #SelfDoubt #EmotionalIntelligence #PositiveMindset

Join our creative and supportive community as we laugh, learn, and grow together on this life-changing journey. Subscribe to The Positive Voice and let's spread the joy, one conversation at a time!

Subscribe to Our 2025 YouTube channel for bonus content
Follow the Podcast: Positive Voice Insta

Transcript

 Hey there, and welcome back to the positive voice, where we explore mindset, women in business and emotional intelligence. I'm your host coach chef Kim. And today I want to talk to you about something we all face self doubt. Self doubt is that nagging voice that pops up when you least expect it, right? It can show up when you're about to launch a new project, when you're facing a big decision, or even when you've had a setback.

It's normal. But it doesn't have to control you. That's why today I'm going to walk you through something that I have been working on for the last couple of weeks, um, to help people adjust their mindset. So if you've ever coached with me, um, You know that I often say, choose a new thought, and just kind of based on the non verbal language that I have observed from people when I say choose a new thought, I was like, okay, it's time that we go deeper and that we unpack this.

So today I'm going to walk you through a new tool called Proof. Um, it is a mindset tool that will help you interrupt negative spirals and regain control even in the heat of the moment. So if you're ready, take a breath and let's dive in. Let's learn how to apply the proof framework when you feel like you're drowning in self doubt.

And listen, I believe in you. I know you've got this. So friend, let's be real We've all been there one moment. You're feeling good feeling great and the next BAM you spiraling Your mind starts racing with negative thoughts and everything feels like a massive obstacle Perhaps you think things like I'm not cut out for this.

What if I fail and everyone sees it? I don't have the skills I need These thoughts are normal, but they're also not helpful. Two things can be true. So what's important is that you have the power to pause the spiral and reframe your thoughts right here, right now. This is where my proof method comes in.

So I'm going to break it down for you so that you know what to do when you're in the middle of a negative spiral. So proof is an acronym, okay? Because I figured that would be really easy for people to remember these step by step processes in the moment. So P is for pause. The first thing you're going to do is pause.

I know it sounds simple, but that is quite literally the hardest part. When you're in a spiral, it feels like everything is happening at once and stopping seems impossible. But here's the thing, you can pause the spiral. Literally, stop whatever you're doing, take a deep breath, and ground yourself in the present moment.

One of the things that I realized was really, really shocking while I was working on my PhD was that anything after 90 seconds is a choice. So when your amygdala is hijacked, for those first 90 seconds, you quite literally don't have a choice. But anything after 90 seconds, you are choosing You are choosing to be in that moment.

So I want you to stop and here's how I'm going to help you To move beyond that first 90 seconds. I want you to ask yourself. What are the facts of this situation? So for example, if you're doubting your ability to land a new client Pause and ask yourself, have I ever landed clients before? That's a yes or no question.

Have I ever delivered value to my audience or customers in the past? Yes or no question. What evidence do I have of my success? And let me tell you why that terminology is important. You want your brain to go find evidence Of your success, instead of your brain giving you what you're actually asking for, which is evidence of where you failed, do the opposite.

So the same way you can, um, what do we call it? When you are like breaking your own heart, you are planning out every negative thing that could possibly happen in a situation. And then you begin to feel that inside of your body. And so now you're stuck in fight or flight because all the things you've imagined.

You now believe are real and think that they're actually going to happen to you. They're not choosing new thought. So when you're in that moment, what I want you to do is say, what are the facts of this situation? Not your thoughts, not your opinions. Is it a fact? Have you ever had a client before? Yes.

Have you ever delivered value to your audience or your customers in the past? Yes. Do you have evidence of your success? If the answer to the first two questions was yes, then boom. Yeah, you do. So pause

and allow yourself to step back from the emotional rush and get clear on what's real. Number two is R, so reflect. Once you've paused, the next step is to reflect. Self doubt often comes from old stories, past experiences, or even fears that don't reflect your true capabilities or the person you are now.

So ask yourself, where did this thought come from? Is this doubt based on a past mistake? Or is it a projection of fear about the unknown? Reflect on where the thought originated. There are times where we take on what is called a mistaken belief in the psychology world, where it is a belief that someone else had and they gave it to you.

So for example, if you went to an underperforming high school and the guidance counselor told you, you would never be anything and you should not apply to an Ivy League. because you weren't smart enough to get into it. And then you decided to internalize that particular phrase from that person. And so now you've allowed it to manifest in your body.

And what you now believe is that you're not smart. None of that was actually true. That was just the opinion of someone else. If your parents had issues with holding down jobs or they weren't great with money and all you know about money from your childhood is arguments, anxiety, lack, scarcity, then you bring that into your adult life but those are The stories in the past experiences of your parents, they don't actually belong to you even though you were affected, right?

And so as we're reflecting on these things, you have to really go, is this my thought? or somebody else's. Is this my belief or belief that my parents gave me? I think one of the biggest ones that we often misinterpret is the passing down of religion. Your parents belief hold your belief until you are old enough to make decisions for yourself.

So, Let's see if I can give you a real quick story to make this one make sense when I was with My son's father many many years ago He was one denomination. I was another when we gave birth to our son What I was told was that in his denomination People were not going to put water on a baby because water symbolized baptism.

And it was not my decision as the mother to decide that my child was going to be baptized. And so, in his denomination, they just anointed the baby with oil. It took me a minute to kind of let that sit because from the denomination that I came from, we sprinkled babies, right? It's like they dip their hands in the water and they place it on the baby's head.

You're baptizing the baby, giving the baby back to the Lord. Um, in his denomination, they did not do that. They just anointed the baby's head, hands, feet, and heart. Um, and then it would be left up to my son later in life to make a decision. If they wanted to be submerged in water, right? So that's a beautiful way of showing how, even though the parent believes one thing, my child has the agency.

To make a decision for themselves and that started at birth. Okay Whereas in other religions that is not the case the parents Literally set up this whole ceremony where you baptize your baby and give your baby back to the Lord And so that in itself is the parents choosing What the belief system is going to be for that child.

I'm not here to judge whether it's right or wrong I'm not a member of either denomination anymore. So This isn't a spiritual thing for me. This isn't a religious thing for me. I'm just showing you what that looks like. What is the agency that you have now as an adult? If you discover that the belief that you have right now, when you're reflecting that this belief or this projection of fear of the unknown is not even yours, I want you to stop.

And I want you to make sure that you are able to distance yourself from the thought and identify it is for what it is. It's a product of your mind, but it is not your truth. So the next step is to observe. This is our first O. We're going to observe. This one is about being in tune with your body and your mind.

So this is where mindfulness comes in. Negative thoughts can create physical reactions in your body. So I want you to pay attention to things like tightness in your shoulders, shallow breath, erasing heart. If you are absentmindedly biting on the inside of your cheek. Tapping your leg, um, tapping your foot, like there, there are many things that your physical body will start doing.

And I want you to observe those things. Once you begin to observe your body, I want you to ask this question. How is this thought making me feel right now? Does it make you feel anxious? Does it make you feel defeated? Do you feel small? Or does it spark a desire to prove yourself? Observation helps you become aware of the effects of doubt, which is the first step to neutralizing it.

So we've done P for pause, R reflect, O observe. Our second O is open. Once you've observed how the doubt is affecting you, the next step is to be open. Now, I know this is where you may feel like everything is falling apart, but here's the magic. There is an opportunity or a possibility that you are not seeing right now.

So I want you to ask yourself, what's the opportunity or possibility I'm not seeing right now because I'm so focused on this doubt. Being self aware means you understand you're activated. There are moments where I know 100 percent I am hijacked. I know that I am triggered. I know that I am activated and I will stop.

I literally stopped talking. I stopped moving and I just reconnect with the breath. And if I'm in the middle of something with another person, the people who are closest to me at this point, no. What I'm doing. They know that I am bringing myself from 10 back down to zero. They know this without me having to open my mouth.

But for those who may just be encountering me for the first time, what I will say is, please give me a moment because I don't have the capacity to handle what I'm feeling inside of me. And I need to stop the spiral.

There are moments where you're not going to immediately see what the opportunity or the possibility is. If I am in that, like if I'm super hijacked and I really just can't like close my eyes and, you know, go through the motions to asking myself these questions and then boom, I see the other thing I need to see, I will go write it out and I will write out how I feel.

I will write out what was happening because I'm curious about what the trigger was. I am curious about what is today's date, right? There's there are moments where we are hijacked and we can't explain why. And while I was in my PhD program doing research on this, one of the things you have to think about is the body keeps the score, right?

And so you're Body, even though your conscious mind may not remember the significance of today's date, it may not remember the significance of you wearing a particular piece of clothing, it may not remember the significance of a smell that you have encountered, but your body keeps the score. And your body remembers and it will begin to respond based on past evidence of you not being safe at a particular time.

And so your body will begin to respond as though you are in the midst of a threat. Even when you are not. So I will go journal it out. I will go write it out and I'll just write out what I was doing, what I'm feeling, what the day is and the time. And then I go do something else. Like I give myself the space to just be, and later, once I have just naturally calm back down, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy all the time, it's not.

Sometimes I have to sleep on it and it's the next morning before I have clarity. But I absolutely. I'm going to ask or pray, um, for clarity on what's happening. And so when I'm, when I'm thinking about this, right, I'm like, is there a lesson in this experience? Maybe the self doubt is my cue to improve a skill.

Um, this is where a lot of people begin to talk about imposter syndrome. Well, imposter syndrome, If you look up the word, it means you are overqualified for something and you feel less than. People use imposter syndrome. in their everyday vocabulary, just to say they don't have the skill set to do something, and so they feel like an imposter.

Well, you are if you don't have the skill set, but that's not what imposter syndrome is. So, if you find that you May need to improve a skill in order to show up better to do something, then that's exploration and that's curiosity. You can go fix that, right? Go take a class, go join a coaching group, go find a new community of people that are going to help you and support you to move to the next level.

You can reach out for support. You can try a different approach, but opening up means shifting your perspective to look for the positive, the possibility, and the way forward. So we have P for pause, R for reflect, O for observe, O for open, and then the last one is frame.

We've hit the point in this where the reframe of the negative thought is going to be the most empowering thing that you do in this process. So in order to help you reframe that thought, the question I want you to ask is, What's a better, more empowering thought I can choose right now? For example, if you're thinking, I don't know enough, try reframing that to I'm on a journey and I'm learning every day.

Or if you're thinking, what if I fail? You can try. What if this turns out even better than I expected? One of the things that my clients know is that if they tell me, what if it doesn't work out, I'm immediately going to say, what if it does? Like that is my default response to people. It is what if it does, and it's not me being.

a jerk about it. This is me literally asking you that question. What if it does? And when you allow yourself five to ten minutes of really imagining a positive outcome, imagining what success looks like, feels like, smells like, if you begin to feel it inside of your body, The reframe is going to shift your mindset.

Reframing takes practice. It just does. This is a skill that you will need to practice on a daily basis. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to shift your mindset from limiting Now let me tell you why I'll stand on business on this one so you can understand why this works. It's a method that puts you back into the driver's seat of your mindset.

Instead of letting your thoughts control you, you're controlling your thoughts. You're actively choosing to pause, reflect, observe, and reflect. Open your mind and reframe negativity into something that empowers you and the best part this process only takes a few minutes But the impact will be huge and possibly life changing You'll feel more centered.

You'll feel more grounded You'll be more in control and better able to move forward with confidence so Here's my challenge for you. The next time you feel the spiral of self doubt, I want you to use the proof method. I want you to take a moment to pause, reflect, observe, Open and frame the thought. Watch how quickly you can change your mindset and shift your energy to attract more of what you want.

Remember, you are the proof of your success. Your doubts don't define you. You do. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Tag me on Instagram or Facebook at Coach F Kim or at the positive voice. And let me know how you use proof to overcome your doubts. Thank you for tuning into the positive voice podcast.

I'm Coach F Kim. And until next time, keep shifting your mindset and trusting in your journey.